Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 7: ‘The Dragon and The Wolf’ Review
If I pretended like I had the slightest idea of how to attack a review of the Game of Thrones finale, I would be lying to you so hard you’d think I was Lord Baelish in a brothel OR Winterfell! More on that soon. But wow, after two straight episodes where I had MAJOR plot point issues, Game of Thrones returned in full force with a monster blue-fire-breathing dragon-sized finale episode filled with massive payoffs where I found myself jumping out of my seat several times, spilling 12-hour beef stew on myself in the process. While not without a few issues, this was a hugely satisfying ending to the season, which was punctuated by the appearance of White Walker dragon Visyrion spewing blue flame-stuff at the wall and basically toppling it like it was a house of… ice.. cards… or something! Okay, if I don’t get what’s sure to be a four thousand word review, I’ll never finish. Let’s get on with it!
The All-Hands Meeting
The first 25 minutes or so were dedicated to what I like to call the Westerosi All-Hands Meeting to End All All-Hands Meetings. As you would suspect, the event was rife with opportunities for reunions that Game of Thrones fans have been waiting for for quite some time. The first really satisfying moment came when Brienne has her brief catch-up with The Hound; the last time they saw each other, Brienne was beating his face in with her fist as he fell over a cliff to his [fake] death. When the reminisce over their shared dedication to Arya’s safety, they finish by agreeing that they also don’t want to get in her way. True. DAT.
The rest of the proceedings were filled with awkwardness and tension. While we can all agree that it wasn’t the smartest idea to go north of the Wall to capture a single wight to bring back to Cersei to freak her the hell out so she would help in The Great War, I have to say that in the end, they way it was dramatized was totally believable. The Hound silently lugs a huge crate and unleashes the wight in Cersei’s direction and… well, mission accomplished. Cersei looked like she might have wet herself, but that black dress hides stuff like that quite well. Euron peaces out when he hears they can’t swim, and Cersei gives a tentative agreement to peace if Jon Snow promises not to take up arms against her….
AND LIKE A DUMB ASS, JON SAYS NO.
Can we all agree that while we love us some Jon Snow, and that we’re rooting for him, and that he’s hot, and that we totally want him to bang his aunt, that he can be literally the dimmest guy in the Seven Kingdoms at extremely critical moments? Seven Hells!
“Have you ever considered how to lie now and then, just a little bit?” Tyrion says. Truer words have never been spoken in all the series. And how is it that Jon can totally lie to get himself all close and snuggly with the Wildlings, but now it’s off limits? Riddle me that! Anyways.
Tyrion Goes Into the Lioness’s Den
This had to be one of my favorite scenes of the entire episode; it was almost as tasty as my 12-hour beef stew which tasted fabulous. I didn’t quite believe a few episodes back that Cersei would just let Tyrion live when he went to meet with Jaime. But here, the DB’s have doubled-down on the concept by making it seem as if Cersei simply can’t kill her relatives – even Tyrion – if she has to watch it happen. While Lena Headey does a remarkable job of showing us Cersei’s clenched-teeth fury at Tyrion, she can’t bring herself to bring down the sword if she has to see it. Needless to say, both need a drink after the verbal altercation. As did most Game of Thrones fans, I’m sure, after seeing the Mountain partially unsheathe his sword. But after some semi-civil conversation, Tyrion figures out that Cersei is pregnant. Probably because he’s never seen her NOT drink wine unless she is. We’re left to believe that after this, Tyrion is able to appeal to her maternal senses to get her to agree to join the cause of The Great War.
Or not! More on that later.
Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves
I will not pretend that I didn’t HATE HATE HATE the Sansa/Arya storyline from the last episode. I hated that the writers managed to make me so immeasurably annoyed by one of my favorite characters (Arya), and I couldn’t stand that Sansa – who’s made it known she has Littlefinger’s number – couldn’t see through his manipulations. I, and others, had hoped that this was all part of a secret deception by the sisters to catch Littlefinger in the act, and to ultimately take him down. And while I’m glad that this wound up being the case, I have to say it was super sneaky of the writers to pull it off in the way they did. We, the audience, are never let in on exactly when the sisters caught-on to Littlefinger’s deception. Was it when Arya found the note? Was it when Arya played her Game of Faces and handed the dagger to Sansa? Did they know that he was watching the whole time, and kept up this little piece of theater the entire time to throw him off? We’ll never know. We’ll also never know what other plans Littlefinger had; after all, this was a a man who was playing the very, very long con. He kept that damn note for a few years, so who knows what else he had up his sleeve. He was always several steps ahead of everyone, with a Plan B, C, D, E, all the way to Z. I was definitely curious to see where all of his intricate plans would lead, and while I did predict that the sisters would finally figure out what he was up to, I didn’t think he would necessarily die tonight. I just feel like there are too many loose Littlefinger ends to tie up. But alas, he’s gone. And if it was going to go down this way, it was damn satisfying the way that it happened.
In the end, we still have these damaged, strong Stark sisters who’ll have each other’s back. They may still have their differences, and they may still not “get” each other, but the Stark bond is too strong at this point to let people like Littlefinger tear them apart.
Theon Stuff
This had to be my least favorite part of the entire episode… They’ve barely given Theon anything to do this entire season, so when he finally decides it’s time to go get Yara, my reaction was, “Of course you’re supposed to go get her. ONLY LIKE FOUR EPISODES AGO!” Anyways, I’m glad that the writers remembered that there was this character named Yara that got captured by Euron back in the second episode that – oh I don’t know – probably wanted to be saved from enslavement. Dany hasn’t seemed that concerned with her disappearance either, which has bothered me, so I’m glad they dedicated at least a little time to the plan to get her back. Nobody cares about Elarria Sand, by the way. Like, NOBODY.
Theon’s storyline has been pretty problematic for a while, but if they can give him a solid redemption arc, I’m all for it. But we’ll have to wait until Season 8 to see it come to fruition. He’s gonna die.
The Escape of Jaime Lannister, The Kingslayer, The Un-whipped
Jaime, ever the dutiful servant to his sister’s demands, finds out that Cersei has no intention of going North to defend Westeros against the Army of the Dead. It’s kind of like when I’ve been scoping a feature at work for like a whole week only to find out that we aren’t going to do it at all, and you’re the last person to find out after you’ve gone through the trouble of making technical requirements and designing wireframes. Annoying! Not only that, but he finds out that she’s asked Euron to help write requirements and design wireframes, and didn’t even tell you! UGH. Anyways. What we’re seeing here is classic Cersei. Her delusions of her own cleverness are clouding her to seeing some stuff that’s BASIC. COMMON. SENSE. She thinks that Jon and Dany’s forces are going to just duke it out until there’s one force left standing, and Jaime has to be the one to tell her “Right, but we’re all gonna die. Because White Walkers.” He doesn’t exactly say that, but POINT TAKEN. Cersei seems to think that the Gold Company is going to help them win the war, but she’s sounding a lot like someone who’s never seen a Dothraki shoot arrows while STANDING ON A MOVING HORSE. But that’s Cersei for you. As Tywin once said, she thinks she’s way smarter than she is. #Truth
In the end, Cersei threatens Jaime with treason for attempting to uphold the promise he made to Jon and Dany to defend against the Army of the Dead, and she nearly has The Mountain cut him down in response. He even dares her to do it, just as Tyrion did. And she can’t do it. What is this saying about Cersei? I’m more shocked that she didn’t kill Tyrion on the spot, but what is it saying about her that when confronted with an immediate choice to kill someone she feels has betrayed her, she can’t pull the trigger? Or the sword? Whatever! Are we seeing a blind allegiance to family at play, or something else entirely? Hopefully Season 8 will peel back the layers for us.
But in the end, Jaime is allowed to abandon Cersei, and go… somewhere. My guess is he’s off to Winterfell to join Tyrion and Brienne to be awesome with them. But Jaime hath been unshackled from the toxic ball-and-chain that is Cersei Lannister and that is cause to rejoice! If only so he can finally say he doesn’t screw his sister anymore. I honestly thought Jaime was so utterly whipped it would never happen, so I was pumping my fist in the air when he walked away from that burning car of a relationship like Angela Bassett did in Waiting to Exhale. Git it, girl!
HBO Successfully Gets Us On Board for Incest…FINALLY
After the suggestive bedside hand-stroking that happened last episode, it was only a matter of time until we got a legit aunt-nephew incest love-making scene. And we were cheering it on! Don’t pretend like you weren’t. I know you were. I was. YOU were. EVERYONE was. And it was hugely satisfying and perfect in every way. SO WHAT. I still have morals. I’m still rooting for these two incredibly hot and honorable kids. And you should, too!
And while we watch our favorite King and Queen get it on, we have to watch Bran…. TOTALLY GET THE FACTS WRONG ABOUT JON’S LINEAGE. What. Was. That. About? Appears this “omniscient” Three Eyed Raven isn’t infallible, and had to get the facts straight from Sam. This is the same Sam, by the way, that missed the important Jon-is-the-legitimate-son-of-Rhaegar-and-Lyanna fact because he totally interrupted Gilly to engage in some lengthy “whinging” (see what I did there?) about how much it sucks to work at the Citadel. But great news! – he suddenly has all the facts about Jon’s lineage, and is able to set the Three Eyed Raven straight. Sounds like this raven may need contacts, but I’m glad it got cleared up, AND I’m glad that he finally decided it was time for Jon to have the truth. After sleeping with his aunt. The raven needs to work on his timing.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHITE WALKER DRAGON BREATHING BLUE FLAME-STUFF
Um.
FUCK.
Okay, I guess they tipped us off that this would happen when they made a goddamned WHITE WALKER DRAGON in the last episode, but Seven Hells if the blue flame-stuff that came henceforth from said dragon didn’t freak my ever-loving shit out. I’m still not sure if it’s hot or cold or just downright destructive, but if it’s able to destroy “The Wall” in about three minutes time, then everyone is kiiiind of screwed, unless the Dothraki have been secretly hard at work making 20-foot long dragon glass javelins to kill the damn thing. And the Night King was riding him!!! This can’t be good. And what about Drogon and Rhaegon? Will their fire have any effect on their reanimated brother dragon? Or dragon glass?
Massive props to the VFX team that made this absolutely terrifying and gorgeous scene happen. I mean Jesus Christ, it’s like you’re trying to…make this as real as possible, or something.
All I know is that Winter Is Fucking HERE, and I literally can’t wait to see what happens in Season 8. For all of my complaints about the past couple of episodes, they definitely finished with a fiery blast worthy of a dragon, and a vicious bite worthy of a wolf. Until next season!
